On Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping.
On a bag of Fritos: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
On a bar of Dial soap: Directions: Use like regular soap. (and that would be how?)
On some Swann frozen dinners: Serving suggestion: Defrost. (But it's just a suggestion!)
On a hotel-provided shower cap in a box: Fits one head.
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: Do not turn upside down. (printed on bottom of the box)
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: Product will be hot after heating.
On packaging for a Rowenta iron: Do not iron clothes on body.
On Boots Children's cough medicine: Do not drive car or operate machinery. (gotta keep those 5-year-olds off those fork lifts.)
On Nytol sleep aid: Warning: may cause drowsiness. (One would hope!)
On a Korean kitchen knife: Warning: keep out of children. (I hope that's a typo...)
On a string of Chinese-made Christmas lights: For indoor or outdoor use only.
On a Japanese food processor: Not to be used for the other use. (Now, I'm curious!)
On Sainsbury's peanuts: Warning: contains nuts.
On an American Airlines packet of nuts: Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.
On a Swedish chainsaw: Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals. (!!!!!!)
On a child's Superman costume: Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly. (how do they know???)